I have a new article up at Military Spouse Magazine! If you have ever had a spouse deployed, in training, or even out late doing a dangerous job (police, fireman, etc.) then you know the unique torture of being glued to your phone awaiting a call.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

When you get home from work, put your phone on the kitchen counter and test the ringer to make sure it still sounds like an air raid siren. The counter is a nice height and central location; if the phone falls into the folds of the couch or under a blanket, the ring could be muffled. Double check that you didn’t accidentally put it in airplane mode.

One can never be too careful.

As you plug in the phone to charge at night, make sure the screen is facing the bed so the light will wake you if the ring and vibration against the wood dresser aren’t enough. Wake up every few hours and sleepily swing your arm over to your nightstand and blindly knock over your water and anything else that happens to be upright as you squint into the bright screen.

You will need reassurance that you didn’t miss a call in the night.

You can check out the article HERE and please share if you like it!

I would like to introduce a friend of mine who is smart, athletic, and has a wonderful outlook on military life. Our husbands worked together a few years ago and we keep in touch via Facebook. Their family goes on lots of adventures and they have no trouble strapping those little ones in their carriers and hitting the road! Meet Stephanie…

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I am a mother. That is mostly what defines me these days. I like to sew when I have time and always enjoy trying new projects to challenge myself. There is such joy in creating a soft blanket or shirt that your child loves to cuddle with. I have started making blankets as baby gifts for friends as well! I love, love, love to read. It’s not something I get to do often with 2 under 3, but my kids have started to have the patience to sit down for entire books so we spend time throughout the day reading. I am so excited to see their passion for books growing. I grew up as a competitive athlete; I played through college. I miss being on a team, but I try to stay active as much as my schedule allows. I also work a few days a week in my church’s nursery. Nothing is sweeter than loving a room full of children.

Josh joined over 10 years ago. We met 5 years ago July. Wow, I can’t believe its been that long. Time is flying by! In that 5 years, we did 4 deployments together. He has done 7 total.

Life Achievements | I completed my masters degree and had our daughter. I gave birth with a few classes left and my clinical hours to finish. I took a quarter off and then went back and completed those last classes while working to gain my clinical hours. Plus, Josh deployed a few weeks into the quarter. It gave me such strength to see that I could be a full time grad student, new mother, counselor and military spouse all at the same time.

Major Challenges | Josh’s work isn’t always something that I can talk about or share. This is especially hard when he is deployed. I can’t share that he is gone but yet I have to tell friends or family that he won’t make events. At first, I struggled with this. I wanted to be proud of what he was doing, and to share my stress and anxiety. It took me awhile to finally find the balance. I needed him to not worry about me at home. That I was handling the deployment just fine, while still getting out and socializing. I also started to really understand the importance of not sharing information when wives started getting phone calls from the enemy while the men were overseas. That really hit home why, as a spouse, my role is just as important in helping fight this war while at home.

Advice for a New Military Wife | Always talk to your husband, especially when your struggling. He can’t help you, if he doesn’t know there is something wrong. Be supportive. His job seems like a lot of fun, but they are always worrying about you, your family and how your handling this. He needs your support to be able to focus on his job and staying safe. You are strong and able. Everything will break the week he deploys. Your kids will stop sleeping the month he is gone for training. It will seem overwhelming and too much, but you have the ability to handle it all. And when you need an extra hand, ask for help. No community bands together like military wives. We are always a phone call away to help you clean your house, watch your kids, walk you dogs, or more importantly share stress over a glass of wine, or encouragement over a much needed cup of coffee. You are surrounded by a group that takes care of their own, and you are now a part of this family.

Last Book I Read | The Secrets of Happy Families by Bruce Feiler. I highly recommend it. Its packed with great tips on all areas of families with young and older kids.

Mentor Wives | There have been two wives that have had the biggest impact on my transition into military life. The first, Julie, I met shortly after I met my husband. She was his boss’s wife. She was seasoned, intelligent and welcoming. She gave me all the information I needed and why there were all these rules. She was funny and so real. I am always a person who gravitates towards real, honest people. My life is too raw to have fake friendships. She has been the one person who taught me the most about this lifestyle. I got a very upfront look at how often my husband will be gone, what to tell family when I needed to tell family he was gone without telling them where, and how to handle our home life by myself. The second, Dana, showed me about compassion and passion. She was so loving towards all those she met. So friendly and always there to help if you needed anything. She introduced me to wear blue: run to remember. I remember the shame when I showed up to the first meeting and she ran twice the miles I did! Everywhere she goes, she just wants to lift up others and be that shining light in the military community.

My Military Experience in Two Words | (this is so hard!!) Enlightening + Inspiring. Enlightening as it forces you to see the world on a global scale, not just the town you live in. Inspiring because of the stories of strength, loss and hope that I have witnessed or heard.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now | I had a hard conversation with myself before we got married. I knew that life would be hard. He was attached to a very active unit at the time and deploying often. He was ambitious. If I married him, I had to accept his career and support him in whatever we wanted to do. I couldn’t love him conditionally as long as he was home. And that’s what I have done. It’s not always easy to say yes when he wants to take a job that will move us across the country, or to one that will have him deploying often. But it’s what makes him happy and it’s what he was doing before we met. I can’t change who he is and what he wants to do with his career. I can just support him and be here when he is home. In return, he has always been my biggest cheerleader and supportive in all that I have wanted to do.

Best Memory While He was Gone | Makena had just turned one and the whole family was able to meet up at Disney World for the half marathon. I had a photographer friend meet us at the park and she captured the day for us. The pictures are beautiful. You can see the joy of having Josh’s family and mine all together. Plus the innocent joy of a toddler experiencing all that love while being in an exciting park. It’s something I will treasure for the rest of my life.

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Thanks so much for sharing with us, Stephanie!

The purpose of the Military Monday Series is to highlight the many women that help make the military community a great place to be. Some women are experienced, some are new and hesitant, but we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves, and it benefits everyone when we support each other!

This blog series – Military Monday – is to highlight the many women that help make the military community a great place to be. Some women are experienced, some are new and hesitant, but we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves, and it benefits everyone when we support each other!

For this Monday’s feature I interviewed my good friend Aurora! We met in Hawaii when our husbands worked together and I’m so grateful for the short time we got to spend together.

1. Tell me about yourself…
I am a colorful Puertorican woman who’s retired from 20 years of active military service.  I have 9 children and 4 grandchildren. I always enjoy a good laugh and I’m very true & loyal to family & friendships.

I know myself to be sensitive to the needs of others and believe I have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of my companion and meeting him with his own innate optimism.  I’ve been described as the kind of person of whom it is said, “They always make you feel better for having been with them.” I am a very social human being. I loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so I do my best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around.

Michael has been in the army for 14 yrs and we’ve been together for ten years.

 

This blog series – Military Monday – is to highlight the many women that help make the military community a great place to be. Some women are experienced, some are new and hesitant, but we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves, and it benefits everyone when we support each other!

This Monday I have an interview from Vanessa! She grew up in the military and married into it as well. She has such a unique and refreshing perspective on being both a daughter and a mother in the military community.

1. Tell me about yourself, Vanessa!

I have grown up in the military since I was 11, however even before that we moved around for my father’s job. I went to more schools than I can count including three different colleges. I work at home and homeschool our children. I enjoy spending time with my husband and with our four children.

2. How long has your husband been in the Army? How long have you been together?

My husband has been in the military for over 15 years and we have been together for most of that time.

3. Since you came from a Military family, did you expect to marry a Soldier?

I can’t say that I expected to marry a Soldier, but I have always enjoyed many aspects of military life. When we moved to Fort Sill, Oklahoma, I do remember telling my father that the only way I would meet a man to marry in Oklahoma was if he was in the military. I knew quickly that I did not want to settle down in Southwest Oklahoma. I did however end up meeting my husband while my father and he were both stationed in Oklahoma!

4. What is your favorite part of being married to a man in the U.S. Army?

One of my favorite things about being married to a man in the U.S. Army is seeing new places. The process of moving can be exhausting, but there is something exciting about driving (or flying) to a new place and discovering the differences and opportunities of each new Army home.

5. Do you feel a responsibility to volunteer at every unit your husband is in?

I do not feel a responsibility to volunteer at every unit. My husband and I decided early in our marriage that our family will always come first and for us that has included me staying home with the kids. Depending on what our circumstances have been I have not always been able to volunteer. For instance, when we were at one duty station I had our third and fourth child and was too busy at home to help elsewhere.

6. What was your favorite duty station and why?

My favorite duty station has been Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. We lived on the New River Air Station while we there. The front yard of our house looked out on the beautiful river. Our house was also within walking distance of the station marina and we were able to go sailing regularly. The weather is great there and the beach was only about 40 minutes away. During the time we lived there both of our families were less than a six-hour drive away.

7. What might be fun for a kid can be stressful as an adult! What did you find were some of the differences you encountered between being a kid in a Military family compared with being the Mom? 

One of the most stressful duties of being a military spouse is definitely moving. It was a very exciting time as a child knowing that we were going somewhere new and of course when I was younger my mother was taking care of all the hard work. I am thankful we have companies that come and pack up all of our things.

8. Have you had any mentors or other wives that helped you along throughout your husband’s military career?

One of the many blessings of being a military spouse is meeting so many wonderful people. I have made many great friends and we have supported each other many times over. I find that military spouses are so wonderful at pulling together and helping each other out. The person I have turned to mostly for a mentor has been my mother. She has the knowledge of a military spouse and wisdom on how to deal with the many different situations that arise. It is great having someone close to me to count on for advice.

9. What is your best memory of being with family or friends while your husband was training or deployed?

I do have some wonderful memories of time with my parents and my sister and brother while my husband has been in the field training or deployed. I usually take the time he is gone to spend more time with my family. I lived with my parents through one deployment and it was great to spend more time with them and for our children to get to know them better. I also have stayed for extended vacations during other deployments.

Thanks so much for sharing Vanessa! You have a such a positive outlook and I respect your choice of keeping your family first.

I’m hoping to interview Vanessa’s mom next for another unique perspective… stay tuned!